I just checked my LinkedIn. According to that, I have been at the helm of tracc.eu for 4 years and 8 months at this point. Soon 5 years ago, Pawel and me founded this community. And it has changed a lot in the meanwhile. One this that doesn’t change, though: dealing with humans is a challenge.
People.
At this point, I don’t know anymore how many pieces of “drama” occurred over the years. So many people came and went. Most came and went without issues, but some left a lasting impression.
The biggest problem is that when you have a lot of people relying on the decisions you take, as the leader of a community, you often get the feeling that you want everyone to be happy.
Well. Tough luck, buddy. This is the learning that hurts me the most:
You can’t make everyone happy.
Every decision draws criticism. Some people are happy with a decision, some are unhappy. The majority of people are usually fine either way. Either because a decision doesn’t affect them directly or they are just fine with anything.
The problem, in the eyes of me, is that some people will be outspoken critics. It’s not an ego issue. Sometimes you have ideas which you genuinely think are amazing and you hope everyone will love them or just be okay with them.
That’s never the case.
Different people have different opinions. That is what makes life exciting. But the excitement comes with tension. Tension which has to be dealt with before it explodes.
Strengths & Weaknesses.
The single most important characteristic a community manager needs, in my opinion, is resiliance. The power to withstand the tensions arising from the complexity of interpersonal contact. And the key there is continuous resiliance. What good is resiliance if, after 5 months, it’s become overwhelming? Arguably, that means that a person is not resilient enough.
Or, it means that the person doesn’t take enough breaks. And here comes another learning that is important:
Take breaks. You cannot be productive 24/7.
I have to honestly say, this is a learning which I really have not internalised. This goes hand-in-hand with being able to delegate. I used to think stuff like “Why can you not just let go and trust your employees?” about my bosses. Because I’ve seen that a number of times. Micromanaging. Yes, a boss should be able to trust their employees with, in the grand scheme of things, larger tasks. I don’t mean more work. I mean giving them the entire workpackage instead of single tasks out of the whole package with an unnecessary checking layer after every step.
It’s not about a lack of trust, it’s about the fear of screwing up.
I feel like tracc.eu is my baby. I feel like everything that happens within tracc is a reflection of my own self. Whatever happens in tracc will be a reflection of what people think of me. If we host great racing and people have fun, I am then regarded as the fun-maker. If we are drama-ridden and every week there is a crashout, I am regarded as the drama-maker.
What does it matter?
Now it doesn’t matter if that is the truth or not, it is my perception that that will be the case. Ultimately, as the owner of the league, I am the one responsible and accountable for everything that happens. And the potential of losing a huge amount of face is an insecurity issue which many people have to deal with.
I am also bad at delegation. It has become better, but it’s still there. I know that.
However, I also know that the stakes are ultimately not that high. Yes, do a bad job and people will be angry. But it’s not like lives are at stake or livelihoods. We are still in the entertainment part here, a luxury for many people.
Let’s say, hypothetically, something huge happens and tracc.eu would crash and burn spectacularly. It would suck in the near future, but a few years from now people would have forgotten. I cannot even imagine what I could do, at this point, to really enable such a bad end. But it’s still in the back of the head.
And each time a new drama happens, a part of me is expecting the worst.
In moderation, that’s a good thing. It means I am aware of a risk and that I know I cannot just treat it carelessly. But sometimes, and this is where I circle back to resilience, the big bad “what ifs” take over completely.
It matters to the mental health.
And when the big bads take over, that’s an anxiety attack, sudden depressive episode or however else any given person deals with it. For me, at the moment, it’s a sort of panic which brings me to a point that feels like I should just give up everything. At the moment, that will be the case for a few hours and then I’m fine again.
The problem is when those phases become regular and appear in quick succession.
When the thoughts of not being good enough or doing a bad job become a mainstay, it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It might become a downward spiral.
Ending in depression.
Ending in some ruthless action ending something which could have been much greater than I would give it credit for in the moment.
But keep in mind … the future is bright.
I have not yet succumbed to the intrusive thoughts of stuff like pulling the plug on tracc.eu. When things become overwhelming, the thought might cross my mind. The important thing, though, is that for 4 years and 8 months, I have been able to pick myself up from the worst and come back.
Every difficult time gets replaced by an upswing. And durign that upswing is when changes for the better are all the more effective.
Stewarding sucks? New stewarding procedure!
Broadcasting sucks? Let’s look at what we can improve!
Racing sucks? There’s gotta be something we can do!
The important thing, and I am glad to be able to swing back always, is to WORK with the criticism. Some things can be ignored. People might have a bad day and misdirect their anger or sadness at the next opportunity. But there is generally stuff to be learned. Sometimes reading between the lines is necessary. But it will help improve something more often than not.
Just be open to feedback and change. Even though it might hurt sometimes.
I am not done with tracc.eu. I want to continue this. I get afraid when I think of it ending. So I want to put in actions to change for the better.
I’m sorry if there have been problems with me in the past. I am learning. And that is what makes me human. I hope you can forgive me and we can move on.
Oh and also sorry for the inevitable grammatical error or similar. I just wrote this down and I’m publishing it without reading through it another time. Only one thing I can say to errors here: whoops, sorry lmao